Searching, Claiming, Denying (and Other Pastimes)
There is what I call "an essential experience", a moment in which there is a shift in consciousness. And it is essential because until that moment, all talk of being "true" or "vigilant" or "telling the truth" is abstract Â- like something you would learn in class. None of this can have concrete meaning in your life until you have had this experience.

With this shift in consciousness, what was not known is suddenly seen. And this recognition is the luck of a lifetime. It is a blessing of a lifetime. It is grace coming out. The grace that was covered comes out in that moment.

That recognition is the beginning. It may be the end of misidentification. It can be the end. But with most ordinary human beings, it is the beginning. We are so addicted to the powers of mind, that what usually occurs right after that experience is a thought: "How do I keep it?" or "It couldn't be that simple" or "I will never lose that".

Whatever the thought, it is followed by another thought. And eventually, the thoughts lead to: "Well, what happened? Did it happen? Was it real?" Then there is the sense of being "lost". And the searching begins again Â- the outward search. Or, there is the thought, "I remember what I did. I faced my emotion. I went into my fear. I'll do that now and get it back. I'll get it back again."

This is the same search, but now you are using an inward motion to go outward. It becomes an exercise, a process, something to do to get what you are. And maybe it seems to work half a dozen times. But it gets stale because it is based on a lie: you are still attempting to get what you are. You can't "get" what you are. Is that clear?

You cannot get what you are. To get something, there has to be "you" and "it". And you reach and you "get" it. How do you get what you are? Where are you going to reach? And you can't "understand" who you are. You can read the words "I am Truth, I am consciousness" and that can feel good. You can vibrate with that. You can chant that. It feels good. You can pray for it. You can read about great saints and sages. It feels good, it is helpful, and there is nothing wrong with any of it.

But finally, there has to be a willingness to be who you are. And for most people, that is absolutely terrifying. Because what most people suspect they are is the worst thing imaginable: a creature of imperfection and lack and ugliness and stupidity. Even if there is a cover of superior knowledge or accomplishment, under that is the belief that you are this gnarled, ugly, irredeemable, lost soul separate from God. Right? You have to know this.